Betrayal and the Sisterhood ... Restoring trust between women.
Aug 02, 2020
I’m no stranger to betrayal. From the womb and beyond, I’ve experienced the dark side of women’s fear, manipulation and deception. This is not a pretty thing to talk about, but during these times of great upheaval, the shadows are coming out of the closet to be cleared. We have the opportunity to courageously face the truth and free ourselves, or stay in denial, which blocks us from experiencing the full magnificence of our power.
The essence of my shadow alchemy work with women is to clear and heal the residue of pain and trauma still held in your nervous system from past hurts, so you can expand into your highest potential, power and purpose in this lifetime.
Which brings me to sisterhood wounds.
I felt a disconnection from the feminine in the beginning, as my mother had her own unhealed hurts, and was unable to be present to me in the way I needed growing up.
When I was 10 I moved to a new school and none of the girls would play with me. They laughed at my clothes and told me I was ugly when I cried. One girl came up to me in private and said, “I do like you, but I’m not telling anyone because they won’t like me.” And she proceeded to ignore me too.
I ended up having mostly boys as friends because they were less complicated, more fun and easier to be around. I didn’t understand girls. They always seemed to be catty and I didn’t feel safe with them. I did have a couple of deep, intimate friendships with girls but we would get separated into different classes or drift apart. I kept my distance from the others.
When I was 17, I was chatting with my gay friend, Dwayne, in an underground goth nightclub in Adelaide. I turned to see the hottest guy I'd ever seen walk in and my jaw dropped. He was a punk with tattoos, a bad attitude and a purple mohawk.
I said to Dwayne, “He’s gonna be mine.” I weaved my witchy magic and the next thing I knew, I was sitting on this punk's lap in my tartan mini skirt, strategically placed (by him) under a rare spotlight like a trophy in that dark nightclub. I remember feeling some unease at that position… but it’s what I wanted, right?! Because he was so hot, lots of girls had crushes on him. Since he was my boyfriend, I had girls emulating me, literally wearing the same clothes as me the week after I did, hoping that might draw his attention. As it turned out, he was a lying, cheating ass hole who was sleeping around behind my back (surprise
). One day I caught him in the act of pashing one of my ‘friends’ so I could no longer deny it… among other reasons, I left him.
A couple of years later, I was engaged to a lovely guy … To cut a long story short, that same ‘friend’ ended up sleeping with him behind my back too. Not to dismiss that it takes 2 to tango, but I could feel the malicious intent behind her intention more than his.
Years later, I was in the heart of success of my Bongo Baby clothing business. Previous to having children I was a costume designer and had my own unique clothing label. After my children were born, I started making baby clothes. My ‘eco nix' absorbent baby pants for nappy-free babies were a hit, and I sold them all around the world including Paris, London, and an exclusive boutique in Fifth Avenue, New York. One day I received an email that someone was copying my pants. They had been buying them for their shop, and because they were so popular, they decided to make them themselves instead of buying from me.
This was a business betrayal from another woman. Ultimately this led me to realise that making baby pants wasn’t my destiny anyway, so it was a blessing in disguise, but regardless, it was more evidence that women cannot be trusted.
If anyone should be jaded about women, it’s me. And I hear stories like this all the time in my work.
Journeying with the School of Shamanic Womancraft, delving into Rites of Passage and healing my relationship with my own power did a lot to restore my faith in women. And in myself. The raw, vulnerable, heartfelt sharing in sacred circle was like balm to my soul. I finally felt like I was home. This is a testament to my teacher, Jane Hardwicke Collings
Following on from that, I went on a deep sexual healing journey with my beloved, Brett, to reclaim other lost parts of myself which gave me more clarity and power to be courageous and self expressed without fear of judgment. Through the power of ecstatic birth and a fully activated womb portal, I realise other women are no threat to me. I am intimidated by no one.
In a significant online full moon ritual years ago with a coven of witches from around Australia, I kept dropping out of the call so felt another layer of abandonment from the sisterhood… instead I did my own ritual under the full moon and called for a vision… I closed my eyes and was transported to another time. I was tied to a stake naked, dropped to my knees, left to die. In front of me, my sisters walked past, glimpsing briefly into my eyes then walking away pretending not to know me, leaving me to die. It was such deep abandonment, I howled … yet from this space and time, I knew that they couldn’t be associated with me or their own lives and families would be in danger. So from that core wound, a deep healing took place.
Earlier this year I gathered a potent circle of visionary women in a transformational ‘rebirth' journey to heal our wounds and claim our power. From the very beginning, stuff was stirred up as we delved into the mystery together. I was midwifing the women through the turbulence and edges that arose, particularly around women’s power, rites of passage and sisterhood wounds. The way women have become distorted and turned on each other in a patriarchal world is just as bad if not worse than how some men treat women. It’s different. Insidious and calculating. So much manipulation and control stemming from deep inadequacy and lack, striving to steal or extinguish another’s light.
Having done so much of my own healing around this, I am able to be deeply present and compassionate to all that arises. When one woman ended up flipping out entirely with a flurry of projections accusing me of betrayal, dishonesty and stealing her work, I was in full integrity and could see that this was clearly her stuff and not mine. Anyone who knows me, knows I am honest to the point of discomfort…
My preference is creating safe spaces to go more deeply into these uncomfortable conversations even if there are fears and emotions ignited. It takes me deeper into love and presence in this turbulence, to the edges of reality where I feel most alive, aware and responsive, and so deeply present to the pain that's activated. To some it might seem terrifying, but I love those edges. Despite my invitations, she ignored, blocked and was not available for that deeper level of connection. In the end, I let her go with love, and there were big lessons all round for all the women in the circle. The hardest part was knowing that she was walking away with the belief that she could not trust other women. Each is on their own journey...
As we’ve moved through that, we’ve gone deeper into heart healing, womb healing, and the realms where many are afraid to tread… the deepest, darkest, scariest and most confronting edges of self, where abandonment, rejection and self loathing lies… to come into a place of deep compassion and acceptance, freeing ourselves from those edges of limitation, comparison and unworthiness, to stand side by side each other and celebrate our uniqueness, gifts and radiance.
And the evolutionary Feminine Visionary Leadertrip continues...
This is what lights me up more than anything…. seeing women side by side, safe to be seen in their deepest truth, safe to share authentically, to reveal their darkest secrets and release their heaviest shame, to be messy, to be magnificent, and to claim their power as incredible beacons of light, love and magic.
We birth new worlds from our wombs and visions.
This is why women come to me now.
The ones who know they are here to rise, to expand and to influence the future of humanity.
I create the deepest level of safety for women to heal past pain and claim the magnificence of their highest power in this lifetime. Not just in business… but in love, sexuality, relationships, motherhood, body wisdom and magic.
We have a private Sister Tribe online community
where we are setting up 'Listening Sister' partnerships, online transformational journeys you can do from home, a new Sacred Feminine Mentor Training starting next month which is a professional and business development course for women doing women’s work, and there’s a new high-level Alchemy Queen Private Mentoring Service for powerful women who desire to dive deeply into a 1:1 space of transformation with me to optimise your potency in service to humanity in this lifetime. Get in touch
if you want details.
And so it is