Last night Luna, my 18 year old, went to bed, then reemerged saying she couldn’t sleep. I asked her how she was feeling. Tears welled up in her eyes and she asked if we could go into the Temple and talk.
She shared her terror and reluctance of being an adult. She said she feels powerless when she thinks of all the different forms to fill in and the decisions to make, and the idea of moving out on her own fills her with dread. This is not a new conversation for us. She’d had an impending sense of doom about adulthood leading up to her 18th birthday.
This isn’t something I’d imposed on her, but came from other influences, including her biological father who lives overseas. She doesn’t speak with him often, but when she does he is quick to criticise and place expectations and pressure on her to be someone she isn’t.
We spoke about the difference between menarche, when a girl has her first bleed as a rite of passage into young womanhood, and the next phase of adulthood which comes with a different set of expectations and assumptions but is also not really acknowledged. Each girl will have her own experiences, fears, memories and growth edges at each stage. There are also other issues for boys yet I haven't quite got there yet with Zennie only being 8 so far...
The assumption is that as you approach adulthood you are getting ready to fly the nest, preparing to step out into the ‘real world’ on your own. This has become normalised in the nuclear family separation culture, although in many other places this is not the case at all. You don’t get thrown out of the tribe when you hit a certain age. In fact, you are starting to find your role in a way that brings more cohesion and contribution to the collective.
Luna and I both feel a strong soul lineage and ancient memories that run through our veins. It goes way, way back to times when families were more cohesive and interconnected, and the idea that someone would suddenly take off at a certain age was more unusual than the norm. Each person born into the tribe was seen as an asset to the whole, and in matrifocal cultures, it would be the men who leave and move into a different tribe when they found a place of belonging with a new family.
So last night Luna and I were both feeling the shared vision we have of stepping out of that cultural narrative of separation, and what would it look like to weave together a more cohesive culture that appreciates the qualities each bring to the tribe. Have we lost that completely? I don’t think so, although it may appear so at the surface. In our town, with a strong Sikh community presence, there are many intergenerational families who live together and support each other.
Luna has had an ongoing Minecraft project for years where she has had all different interconnected families with different roles and titles, and her homes have kept evolving and expanding to accomodate the needs of her growing tribes.
In some ways we have evolved past this tribal mindset into the age of the individual, and there are many gifts and opportunities in that. Different worldviews and ways of being between different generations in our western culture would make it almost impossible to coexist peacefully in an extended family situation. Most people are carrying around unresolved trauma, unable to be truly authentic, and have a shit tonne of unexpressed emotions and judgment that gets in the way of truly authentic, collaborative synergistic relationships flourishing, particularly between teens and adults.
As I sit with all this, I feel something emerging that is part of my higher life purpose around the evolution of families and culture. In ceremony years ago I received the vision of a New Family Ecology, which is the expansion of a vision I received on New Years morning on a beach in 2002, just before I conceived Luna. I was shown that I was part of a whole new vision of how families are organised and how communities are interconnected, and that I would be misunderstood and ridiculed for my ways which are unconventional (which has totally happened all my motherhood life by the way) yet there are also many who appreciate and yearn for this new vision which needs to happen in order for humanity to evolve in a more harmonious, synergistic way forward.
As Luna steps into adulthood, I am also stepping into adulthood with fresh eyes. After stumbling my way into adulthood with no clue, making it up as I went, this is an opportunity for me to reflect on all the aspects of living a beautiful life in harmony with my values and responsibilities. After recently having an assistant who I thought could take on some of these responsibilities for me, I have come to the realisation that I cannot delegate the organisation of my life and business to anyone. This is about taking radical responsibility for every area of my adult life. So late into the night Luna and I spoke about this… about learning a new way of being an adult. As I reevaluate and reconfigure my own life, I will guide Luna through an Adulting 101 journey that covers all the different areas of being an adult in this world. Together we will also be questioning each aspect and considering how we can do this in a way that feels more cohesive and harmonious toward the new culture we are creating together. This is part of the real life research that will eventually contribute to my book, Evolutionary Motherhood.
I am unraveling and reweaving new ways of being in my life and family and I feel so fucking excited that it’s now moving into the next phase after a lot of chaotic unraveling over the past 5 years especially… Next month in April I am closing down all my social media accounts for the month and doing a radical digital declutter to find and close all the accounts I’m not using. The amount of digital identities I have spread all over the inter webs is affecting my energy and I need to reign it all back in so I can focus and integrate this.
The platforms I will keep alive are email, telegram and I'll continue to share, connect and go deeper into conversations and zoom circles in the Divine Mother Temple.
I will be mapping out a clear pathway for others who would also like to reclaim your energy from so much digital fragmentation. Beautiful things are evolving and I am so excited… connection and communication is one of my superpowers so thank you for being on this edge of evolution with me.
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To be continued!